Trick-or-Treater Receives Apple From “Some Cheap Ass Mother Fucker”

Dallas, TX—10 year old Gary Miller couldn’t wait to go trick-or-treating this past Halloween night, as did millions of other children throughout the world.  He was dressed up as Elvis this year and even had the King’s vintage twang down to ask for some candy.  Little did he know that just 4 houses in, he would be disappointed.

With obesity a growing concern among today’s youth, many adults are trying out healthier alternatives for kids’ consumption.  The only day that one would think all would be suspended would be Halloween.  The one night that kids go crazy with candy and sugar highs.  Melissa Cooper didn’t think so.  She had a fresh basket of apples, organic even, from Central Market on hand.

Miller showed up after hitting 3 quick houses and scoring big.  He couldn’t believe his eyes when Ms. Cooper smiled and said, “Here’s something to counter the belly ache from all that junk food.”

Miller couldn’t believe what he saw in his bag next to the bite sized candy bars.

“What a cheap ass mother fucker,” he said, “I worked my ass off and that bitch gives me a mother fucking apple.”

Miller’s parents usually don’t condone language like that in their house, however, his mother did admit that it was some “punk ass shit.”

Miller will be skipping Ms. Cooper’s house next year, unless they stop to “egg the shit out of it.”

Beware, Ms. Cooper, Beware.

Foo Gains Upper Hand in War Against Foo Fighters

Seattle, WA—In a war that has been raging for nearly a decade, the entity known only as "Foo" seems to have gained a decisive upper hand against the Foo Fighters.  The war began in the early 90's when Dave Grohl and 3 other revolutionists thought that Foo had weapons of mass destruction because no one knew what Foo was or where it came from.  Seattle was on high alert as the fighters put together a team to go in and "take out" Foo.

Once word of the "taking out" hit the press, there was an outcry by Foo supporters stating that it was entirely inappropriate to discuss the assassination of the little known Foo.

Grohl was quick to respond.

"We never said we were going to assassinate Foo," he said a few weeks back.  "We said we were going to "take him out," which could mean a number of things...kidnapping, interrogation, going to a nice restaurant."

When asked which of those he actually meant, Grohl responded "Kill him."

The war has been going on basically without much fanfare in looking into the actual clashes between the two, but the battle have been intense.  In 1999, Chris Pulliam was the first casualty amongst the fighters as he was killed by being hit with a massive spew of foo, which has turned into the deadliest weapon in the foo arsenal.  The spew has now been perfected and last week it launched a major offensive against the fighters by releasing a massive spew of foo and taking out nearly a third of the fighters men.   Among the casualties was their leader, Dave Grohl.

"The loss of Dave Grohl to the hands of the Foo has been devastating," said a statement released by the fighters.  "But we shall overcome this loss and continue to fight the foo for as long as possible.  The fate of alternative rock bands and the world depends on our success.   We will miss Dave Grohl and can only hope and pray that he is in Nirvana now."