Imaginary Friend Reported Missing

Arlington, TX— Adam Zoll's imaginary friend of more that 17 years has mysteriously come up missing.  The boy filed the missing persons report early Wednesday morning after Zoll's friend didn't return home from a party on Tuesday night.  Dexter the Perplexer, as Adam's friend is known, was last seen throwing it down at the Annual Imaginary Friend End of the Year Extravaganza Ball.

As of right now, there seems to be no leads and investigators are frustrated because imaginary friends have no finger prints and can't ever be successfully identified by any one other than the human the "I.F." belongs to.

"We had a few Imaginary friend deaths due to drunk driving that night," said lead I.F. Investigator Ron Linston.  "But Zoll couldn't see any of the bodies on the table so they couldn't have been his."  Linston is a long time police officer and took a special interest in Imaginary Friends after his own imaginary friend, Rufus the Great, was gunned down by a nerf dart in his living room by his cousin.  Linston started the Imaginary Friend Unit or I.F.U.

"I just hope he's ok," said a sad Adam Zoll.  " I haven't seen him since we had a fight about me meeting a girl."

Zoll has never had a girlfriend and now that he is dating Amanda Smith, Zoll said there has been tension between him and Dexter.  

"I was seeing him less and less."

The case may never be solved since none ever have been, but Detective Linston isn't giving up hope.

"There's a first time for everything," he said.  "All it takes is one imaginary friend to come forward and talk."

Linston said the hard thing is that people can only see their own imaginary friend, thus making it impossible to find an imaginary witness since Linston wouldn't ever even know the I.F. came in.

"That's the most frustrating part," said Linston with a sigh. Still he sits, waits, and hopes.

6 Year Quest Finally Scores Watauga Man Free Subway Sandwich

Watauga, TX - Subway Club member, Mike Dell, found that his persistence and hard work paid off early Monday when he completed the exclusive club's stringent

requirements to earn a free Subway Sandwich.  Dell, a fifth grade teacher, ordered a foot long tuna fish sandwich on asiago bread and then presented sandwich artist Trisha Swanson his club membership.  Swanson punched the remaining slot therein concluding Mr. Dell's six year quest.

"This is extremely exciting," claims Dell.  "In the past I've gotten cards, got a few punches and then lost them.  This time I made damn sure that I was going to get a free sandwich.  I really free a tremendous sense of accomplishment.  I think this proves without a doubt that you can't win without playing."

This marks only the second time that Ms. Swanson has seen a customer complete the requirements.

"I've worked here almost six months and only one other woman did it.  I was really surprised.  I had to really look at the ticket to see if he did indeed win.  My eyes weren't lying to me," a surprised Swenson stated.

When asked what his plans were following the victory, Mr. Dell would only intimate that he had no immediate plans to leave his  job as a teacher and that he would use his prize one day when he was short on cash.

"I'm still the same guy I've always been.  I'm not going to change just because I've won.  I still put my pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else." a humble Dell admitted.